sailor-mouth road to awakening

Cursing has been an incredibly helpful tool to me in awakening. Seriously. Helped me distinguish intuition from thoughts and emotions. Cursing fucking helped meredith big time, yes it did.

I would get a vision, a word, a sense or knowing about some kind of guidance. And meredith didn't trust it yet. So meredith would talk in an exaggerated voice back to the intuitive me, often with a sailor mouth. "I don't fucking get it. Why?" Or "Shit yeah. That's interesting. More about that, please. (I could still be thankful when swearing.)"

Looking back, the attitude helped distinguish the fearful voice of an unaware, unclear ego. I could have a little conversation between Intuitive/Soul/Infinite Self and personality/ego meredith self (pun intended with the name). By distinguishing the voices, with their own posture and rate of speech, I was able to get clearer about each voices' point of view.

This was a critical stage of development for me; to recognize the difference of these parts of me. Did I look crazy talking to myself with different voices. Hells yeah. And didn't care one bit!

Not trying to be all spiritual.
You see...another VERY important revelation came from the swearing techinque. It kept me being me. Not trying to be all spiritual. Not trying to be polite, or sweet or anything; just real. I wasn't trying to be angry or anything either. I was being really honest. I was skeptical. And curious. And unsure.

And I didn't feel like there was any need for pomp and circumstance with my soul self. If figured, if I have an infinite self who is all loving and knowing and all that, she/it/God/whatever will get it. My intention was honesty. Authenticity. And so, authentic language. Cuz nothing quite says, "I just saw a vision of cancer diagnosed before this person knew it" like "fucking A. go figure. how'd that happen."

And man oh man did I curse while I'd teach, too. It would shake people up. Waken them up. People have told me over and over that I helped them just be natural, be themselves. To not be spiritual, but spirited. To be honest with themselves. To not repress.

Dropping Sailor-mouth for just mouth
And....now I just don't curse that much anymore, actually.
Because, the process helped lead to an integration of the personality meredith and infinite self so they are much more merged in alignment and purpose now.  Unique Self, infinite spirit embodied in Meredith. No need for different voices within. Much clearer. No need to exaggerate. No separation of these parts of me. No separation with others either. We're all voices of the same whole. I needed to know me just to know others. No need to separate anymore.  I needed to distinguish the parts just to come into wholeness. I separated parts within only to integrate and merge them.

I don't keep cursing just cuz it used to work. I dropped it. It's not about the process. The truth is always under the process and technique anyway. Just being real. Just being me. Cursing training wheels are off.  No need to curse, unless I do.

Hells yeah.

neutralizing wand in negative energy

At the last Healing Expansion Session, facilitated with my teacher Jim, we did a journey into Anger, then into Sadness. In the past, I always explored some experience of mine and released it. This time, I went into the Anger of the World, and the Sadness of the World.

During sadness, I noticed many scenes of sadness throughout time. And sadness at it's deepest core is our sense of separation and belief that whatever happening is permanent.  One thing I noticed was the sadness of the Earth. We don't live in symbiotic harmony with our environment. It was shaking, like an earthquake (though this itself was not sad) and people were buried. This healing session was going on when the Haiti 7.0 earthquake hit (love to the victims, workers, loved ones...you are not alone). What strikes me is not that I noticed it. Other sensitives told me they felt it, too.

What strikes me is how much boundaries are changing right now.
Now when I notice someone's feelings, or negativity happening, I don't think...those are yours...or wonder if they are mine. I don't try to figure out what the hook is, or why I'm reacting to it...I don't even try to get clear. I simply say, 'Oh, this is experienced. This is here. This is ours. This is happening'

And it is SOOOO freeing! If you suffer, then I suffer, because we are connected. My previous perception of our separateness is gone. But I stay clear even while I experience it. There is suffering here. But I am not the suffering. You are not the suffering. It is only the thoughts that are really the suffering. I can stay clear of the story.

The big leap right now...is..it's not personal. Non-personal awareness.
And the big transformation right now... is...I'm not stuck in analysis in any way...simply witnessing and experiencing...freeing me to be and to act. (of course...with some folks, I'm still getting triggered and then I just stay in the noticing for now...)

It's like a neutralizing wand!
No Separation cuts right into truth of the presence, the moment, the interconnectedness...and no need for drama or buying into any story...yours mine...who cares. No need to understand. No need to tunnel into the thought and wonder why it is happening or fix it. Just noticing the thought, rather than giving it 5 Star treatment!

And in neutrality, in non-personal awareness,...radiance happens! There is a kind of melting away of the story and what is simply is. Right now. Free to be whatever it is. And my role, is simply being with this awareness, being the awareness. And I'm free to help or not help. I'm free to sense guidance and move where the energy takes me. Not from my mind, but my whole body moves.


Many people I mentor are noticing ways they are picking up other people's energy more now with the Energy Shift. Is this happening for you? How are you working with this change of boundaries? You may find previous tools don't seem to work? What are you discovering? What are your questions?

retreat, integrate, repeat

I remember the day my teacher Jim and I met to plan our first workshop together. When checking in for guidance before our meeting, I saw in my mind's eye a Prairie Dog, ducking into a hole. And the word retreat came to mind. Oh! Retreat! As in, not a 2 hour class but a weekend retreat.

So we sat together, Jim and I, in a space of availability. How might we serve? When I shared my vision of a retreat, I told him but I don't know where. And Jim chuckled, "I have the space. I built it."

And so the conversation, the creation, continued to unfold effortlessly. The goal, the experiences, everything flowed right in. We've done the Pathways Retreat together quite a few times now. Each one effortless, unique, and deeply transformative for us.

I realize now, that the space between retreats is an incredible integration time, and just as necessary as the retreats. Retreat-integrate-repeat.  How beautiful all the moments work together. Sometimes I still wish it was all ups and firey and woo! But it can't be. I'm embracing all the experiences and the spaces between...The Current Moment. And on a smaller scale each day, retreat-integrate-repeat.

Next retreat is Jan 22-24th. The prairie dog is being joined by Time and Space and Beyond Time & Space. Um. No animal rep for them at the moment. LOL.  It's going to be sooo different with this Energy Shift going on and the changes of 2010. Bring it! Pathways to Soul Wisdom Retreat.

no new year's resolution

No new year's resolutions.
I release
any grasping
towards anything but
what is.
Here I am.

I surrender. I let go. I dive into the Whole.
I surrender my personal will to the Whole.

I can't know where that will take me.
I can't know what that will create.

But I know that in that place of Presence, I am. I create.
My body is available. My mind is available. My heart is available.

I am not doing, I am being done.
I am not moving, I am moved.
Action still happens. In the moment, in the movement, in surrender.

My will is merged with the whole.
And in this state of being, all the wisdom, power, joy is moving as me.
I bring my awareness to this current.
I merge with the current until I sense no difference between it and me.

I travel this unknown road.
I travel everywhere and nowhere.
I travel this year, this decade, today.
Just for today.
I surrender.

2009 in review- see The Shift

Here are a few posts from 2009 (most recent first). See how things built to prepare for the Energy Shift at the end of 2009?! Fascinating.
From keeping energy clear and 'separate' (not picking up negativity)...to feeling the connections with all...to simply being...to embracing discomfort and everything....to cosmic expansion and no-separation (there isn't even negativity energy to pick up).

2010 ushers us into a huge shift in humanity's consciousness. We're entering a new stage, the 5th dimension, a merging, and I look forward to experiencing it with you.

-energy shift recipe - serve hot
-a headache! yeah!
-intuitive doing >> intuitive being
-a connected cow & me & you
-i just want to be off today
-why people turn to psychics in this economy

What do you look forward to in 2010?

energy shift recipe - serve hot

Energy Shift Recipe. Pass it on.

Ingredients:
~ Firey sparkles of timeliness
~ Rolling waves of boundaryless spaciousness

Preparation:
~ Merge together with a sense of everythingness and nothingness.
~ Add a dash of evolutionary momentum the intensity of thunder and the pace of creating mountains.
~ Chuckle with the delicious ironic effortlessness of such a monumental creative task.

Stir. Notice what you thought you were making was already here beyond the thought! Ha!
Not what you were expecting. Ahh!

Brings to awareness all you truly are. I AM. Voilà!

Serve to all humanity. Pass it on.

9 reasons to adore nakedness, i mean tarot

1. Nakedness. Seriously. Naked women, naked truth, transparency. You pick the order.
2. Singing. Your inner wisdom doesn't just speak to you with cards, it SINGS to you! A raw, sweet, in your face song. Every song is different, but an endless possibility of songs, a complex range of notes. Velvety and grinding. Yum.
   
3. Makes the unseen seen. Whether it's your emotions, your thoughts, how energy is flowing, possibilities, emptiness, consciousness...you can see and experience vibrations happening in a more concrete way.
4. Helps the overly heady. Holistic patterns, rhythms. Helps bring right brain thinking, not just linear thinking. Also, drops you into your body by activating your hands touching the cards. For someone who can be overly analytical, I find it helps balance me and get me into heart-mind.
5. Symbol heaven. Objects, Colors, Directions, Planets, Signs, Animals, Numbers. Lightness, Darkness....so many gateways to get your attention and connect with meaningful insight. A thorough collection and range of consciousness to draw upon.
   
6. Storytelling. Rather than just a word or vibe, a story lays out before you. A pattern. A pathway that draws you deeper into you, deeper into truth, deeper into creation...if you listen to the whispers of the story, and the characters, and the theme...beautiful.
   
7. Answers, nice. Learning to question, priceless. Layouts teach you to ask, analyze, organize. And then when there are no cards, your ability to examine complex relationships is right there, in a layout/spread in your mind. Insights even come to a particular location in a 'frame' in my mind...on the right are possibilities, on the left are motivations. Below, what is hidden, above are actions. I don't need cards to have insights or visions show up in certain places within my mind. Organizing clarity.
   
8. Appearing friends. The cards just show up in my mind sometimes. They are friends. Honest friends, tricky friends, mischievous friends, sweet as honey friends....And just like different friends meet different needs, the cards just dance right up into my consciousness and say hello, here is what you seek....look closely at this part of me.
9. Nakedness. Seriously. Strip down and see the truth, baby...it's staring right at you.

Tools are just tools. I see naked, someone else sees whatever they see. The tool bearer is where the insight lays. Cardsl can really help people who are visual or clairvoyant. Can also help someone who is claircognizant (I just know!  This is my primary sense.) to learn to identify intuitions. I've never taught a class specifically on using cards, but this tool was instrumental in helping me trust and be accurate. Maybe someday.

Do you use or like Tarot? Or what helps you gain insight?

this just starts to almost kiss it

The shift the last month has turned my whole perception around. There's nothing new, really...yet everything is new. And words can't touch it. But here I am capturing it the best I can to invite you in...and I've been seeing many mentorees and others around the world stepping in...there is an awakening...

It's as if...

• I was touching a thread... now I'm the whole ribbon and there's not even a ribbon.
• I was noticing intuitions... now intuitions are noticing me.
• I could previously notice various perspectives of corners of mind, of parts of me...now some of the corners just aren't there any more. Merging.
• I was thinking thoughts....now thoughts come by. Curious.
  
• I was separate and knowing there was no separation...now I'm experiencing more of no separation.
• I was sipping spirit regularly...now there is nothing to sip, I'm swallowed.
• I was choosing...now the choice is made.
• I was wondering...now I'm wonder.
• I was looking for clear direction...now I am clarity.
• I was being compassionate as much as I could...now I am compassion.
• I was saying maybe, sometimes, let me grab my cards and check ;)...now I am yes.
• I was on or off...now I am available.
• I was up or down with circumstances...now I embrace all.
• I was kissing myself...now I kiss the sky and I am kissed.
• I was planning...now I am creation, now.
• I was reaching...now I am evolving.
• I was figuring it out...now I am shown.
• I wanted...now I want what is.
  
• I saw colors...now I see spaciousness.
• I got frustrated...now I giggle.
  
• I saw me and you...now I see an emptiness, full of potential, interconnected, evolving.
• I was one frame of consciousness at a time...now corners of my mind aligned. 
  
• I saw fixing...now I see celebrating change.
• I experienced sweetness often...now sweetness is.
• I felt bones, muscles, energy...now I feel light.
• I was thankful for so many things...now I am gratitude.
• I used to act from intention...now more actions arise naturally.

And all of these statements aren't it! 
They only begin to kiss it. 
They learn towards....point towards...
Because "I" is experienced so differently.  The perception of self is transforming.
Not enlightened at all...I know nothing of that...but illuminating, lightening, loving, simple.
Still figuring it out. Still opening to more allowing, more firmness, more flexibility, more trust, more expression...but that corner of my mind that resists myself is shrinking.

I'm being walked right through the discoveries. Guided to experiences. Guided to understanding.
Sharing as much as I can while not knowing. We all are. Are you noticing?

May you kiss the moment, too. Even if only a moment. Just for this moment.

So many of you are experiencing the shift...
How is your perception changing? What do you notice?
When you notice and try to capture in words, you help stabilize your own transformation and assist others. Thank you for sharing your experiences, your doubts, your wonderings.


You may also be interested in:
a headache! yeah!

a headache! yeah!

The current energy shift in the atmosphere this month has been something! Never experienced anything like it! My bones ache! My skull feels too small and my hips feel as if they are being stretched on a rack! And I'm loving it.

I feel as if I've stepped into the matrix and taken the red pill, over and over again, deeper into awareness. It's ecstatic, but also simple.  It's a very embodied energy, not spacey. (Though this has to sound a bit odd to the mind. Only the heart mind and body mind can experience this.)

This energy is guiding me through greater recognition of ways I prefer not to be uncomfortable. When in reality, I know some discomfort ignites and teaches me. Don't you all have some past experiences that were hard but you learned so much from? During the experienced I mustered through. Well not any more. Now I'm embracing. The pain, the pleasure can all be bliss.

The headaches actually have several layers. I've had it for a month. A psychic headache. I've never had a problem grounding so this is totally new experience for me. Why headaches? Some of the reasons include: Receiving energy transmissions, physically being shown the effect of various thoughts, moving energy from crown to every cell of the body, and others.

Special shout out of gratitude to Jane Beard. We've been tracking the energy together. She is also sensitive to energy and clear and open to follow it.  In waves we experience similar things at the same time or day!  And if we don't follow the wave, it actually hurts. If we don't resist, it's amazing. Restless nights. Deep sleeping nights. Racey intense energy. Still energy. Must have hands in dirt. Walk outside. Go into the moonlight. Sensations of immense gratitude. Sensations of losing control. And the list goes on. Key to this is following the guidance now. Note: not 15 minutes from now! We even had a morning where we both felt controlled. I was thinking I'm just a puppet. She was thinking invasion of the body snatchers. We laughed and noticed what we are being shown as an evolving being of creation. We're being walked through the teachings. I'm so grateful for sharing this experience with Jane. It's helping clarify the wisdom of these teachings.

Most people I've spoken to think they are doing something wrong because their system is not responding as usual or their thoughts/emotions are intense. But not at all. It's unbelievable how effortless everything is. I've got to make some videos to help convey this energy to you. And I'm doing a teleconference Wed, 11/11, to share more about it and evoke the wisdom and frequencies for you to experience. Join! Not for the headaches (which everyone doesn't experience), but for being so in love with being. http://sparkintuition.com/w-mergingMindSoulTeleconference.php (you can listen to the recording now)

spot readings to focus your attention to expand

Interested in a spot reading?

I'd be happy to tune into an area you can focus your attention on now to expand your conscious awareness. This is really my primary gift as an intuitive. With the many various things that you can possibly focus on, what can you focus on now that is most aligned with your soul, awareness and potential for expansion... right now.

Just add a comment if you're interested and I'll check in for as many of you as I can.
UPDATE 10/27/09. This post is now closed for further spot readings, but I'll plan to offer them again! Please subscribe to catch them next time. Thanks and much love.

snakes talk to me

Okay. Snakes don't exactly talk to me. Spirit talks through snakes to me.

Okay. Spirit doesn't exactly talk through snakes to me, spirit talks through everything to me.

Now...on to the snake story...

I went for a lomi lomi massage (can you say yum!) and was early for my appointment. I thought to go in because I could start early, but my attention drew me around the parking lot to the side of the building. Sure, fine, a nice little walk on the grass before my appointment. Why not. I wanted to get the relationship thoughts I was having out of my head so I could just enjoy the appointment. Uneventful. Grounding. Not really sure why I'm here. Walk back towards studio and that's when it happened...

Check out the garter snake there! My vibes start pinging. Pay attention. Hello there little guy. What's up. I start watching. Oh, 2 snakes! Laughing. Okay, spirit, I'm paying attention. I know you don't see two snakes in wild together very often. What do you want to show me about relationships. I'm open. (I know that I'll notice what I need to notice.) So here's what I notice:

• One snake leaves the other snake. (Really?I breathe into whatever is so. Snakes are all about shedding and growth. Non-emotional. Are we outgrowing each other? Is my big expansion lately going to move me away from this relationship? I'm open to guidance.)
• Then the snake comes back, hmmm, and gets the other snake to follow. (Not sure if this is me or him. Seems irrelevant, no vibe there. Seems like either of us can venture off and come back. Ping. Independence. Curious. Seems the message is growth and sharing, I help him grow.)
• Then the other snakes leaves, and comes back and gets the first snake. And this pattern repeats several times. (Okay. We don't outgrow each other. We each grow our own ways. We do our own thing and reconnect with each other. We each teach each other. And we each are shedding big patterns and growing. Got it. Thanks, loves.)

It was beautiful watching this continuous dance back and forth between the snakes. And they finally wrap all around each other. It's lovely. I get it. Thanks for teaching me more about interdependence.

Spirit is everywhere, everything. I notice what I notice. And everything teaches me (in surprising ways). And everything supports me (in surprising ways). And everything is wonder.

How does spirit talk to you through animals and nature?

fiercely gentle

Facilitating the Pathways to Soul Wisdom Retreat this past weekend, we were challenged.

You have gathered enough! How many books have you read already!? You are guilty, yes, guilty of this Gathering. Why guilty? Because you are not present enough with the Innocence. Sure, you will keep learning and seeking, that is natural, but begin turning within first, within more. Give yourself more space to experience and less time to grasp or do it right.

Like a mom with her baby, today: feed when hungry, change diaper when soiled, comfort when crying, celebrate the little things like a coo, cry or crawl. Tomorrow would you say, "I already fed you! I changed your diaper yesterday so why should I change it again today!" No. Do not wait for 'it' to be done...to be 'there.' Be authentically present to your life, like a mom to her baby, every day.

This invitation, and the experiences we were guided to (by the council of grandmothers), was "fiercely gentle" as one participant described it. Accepting everything as it is, accepting ourselves as we are now, paradoxically, is the way to change. Embracing everything. Looking forward to challenges. Over and over during the weekend there was spaciousness. Not explanations. Not fixing. Not solving. And in the spaciousness, in just being, so much was done. Oh, so much.

I am immensely, noticeably different. And I experience the change without excitement. Just is.

intuitive doing >> intuitive being

Old me: Intuitive doing

When I started consciously using my intuition, I NEEDED it. I had a gazillion questions about everything. I was constantly seeking intuitive guidance and re-informing myself about what is true. Intuitive learning. There was effort. Grasping.
Trying to understand.

New me: Intuitive being
Now, I'm just so much more chill with it. Intuitive awareness is a more integrated part of me. Less questions and more flow with it. Less effort and just a natural state of being. Guidance pops in when needed. I notice what is light for me. My guidance is clearer, my soul freer. Soulightenment.
Living the experience.

Just paved a new habit. That's all.
Nice time to check in and notice if intuition is an effort. Just notice. No judgment.

What will make intuition more natural, more effort-less, more free? I wish this for you.

queen mum at the chiropractor & my nagging frustration with names

With tears in her eyes, the administrative assistant at the chiropractor's office pointed to a picture of her grandmother on her desk and we both knew silently that she passed away. "Last night," was all she could say.

I went and got my adjustment and got the sense of a bold woman with big energy around her head, really wide at the head, unusually wide. And the name "...izzie" or something similar. I felt I didn't quite have it but close enough. The energy was there, but very subtle.

On the way out, I stopped by the desk, and since we've talked and shared about intuition lots of times, I asked, "I'm getting a name, something like, 'izzie, ozzie'. Is that what your grandmother is called, or did she have a nickname for you?"

"Yeah. Her name is Dottie." Yup. Somewhat close, not on the money, but close enough to connect which is all that matters. (I noticed that I hadn't really asked for louder, clearer or clarification...should do that next time.)

She went on to share about how wonderful her grandmother is and how lucky she was to know her. Then she told me they all called her Queen Mum and she always wore big hats. Ahhh..that explains the unusual energy I felt around her head. Funny. She says she wishes that when she gets pregnant some day she would be able to share it with her grandmother.

"I think your grandmother wants you to know she's here, sweetheart. She knows. She will know when it happens. She's still here."

The woman smiled.

I left happy to help with the connection. But honestly, I also felt this nagging frustration about names. Sometimes they are so clear with accents! I want to practice this listening. But whatever works....

a leo moving from wings to head

I have no problem leading. Even as a child.
Thing is...I usually led from the wings!

A supervisor once pulled me aside to ask me how on earth I manage to orchestrate and lead an entire event where I stay behind the curtain and where everyone else gets the credit...where participants genuinely feel empowered and successful!!??

I winked at her. "You noticed? Teehee.
I just hold the vision and believe in people."

She told me it was remarkable; that she had never seen anything quite like it. A major event that was in every way envisioned, initiated by me and pulled off by me...yet event day...I was humbly enjoying the event without credit.

Another reason I could do that is I know how to be visible and I know how to be invisible. A mentor told me that again recently. I can turn my energy up and hugely fill a room, or turn it down so I'm relatively unnoticeable.

As a Leo, a major aspect of my soul path though...is to not stand behind others...to be up front, to lead (and also to not stand behind anyone in interpersonal relationships...that's more about interdependence than leading...but I digress). My guidance has been telling me to lead for years. And...I'm doing it, putting myself out there, being transparent, sharing.

Work in progress: serving with visibility. I'm an introvert and it isn't easy being out in front of of so many people. However, it is easy doing what I love, being me, and serving. So....Roarrrr!


What is your soul purpose? How do you see your soul purpose?